Stay Hungry Stay Foolish

I had, as we all have, heard stories about his attitude, and his this and his that. But other things come to mind about Steve Jobs when he crosses my mind, his success was not just given to him, he had struggles with his friends and business partners along the way, and through it all the one thing that holds true when I think of him is that he never ever gave up. Now that is the person that I strive to be.

Regardless if I live another 5 or another 40 years I want to be the person that they say that about, she never ever gave up, not at least since she knew how much there was to live for.

The reason I am telling you all of this is because recently I had a bit of a scare. One similar to what was the end of the late and great. I went in for a full physical only to be told that there are some abnormal cells in my uterus and I need to see a specialist.

I am no longer terrified, but for a moment I was. Waiting to go and see the doctor, to be told that this was it for me was what I was thinking. Catastrophizing to say the least. Yet possibilities of possibilities did run through my mind. I have had this scare before. I did not think I would be so lucky twice. And really I have not been being very kind to myself lately, actually downright mean, and I thought bingo karma.

During those last four hours before going to the doctor I thought about the acceptance of death and how important it is to the soul. How death is just a part of life and that truly although in some eyes I may not have been the luckiest, and my soul journey definitely went a tad off kilter at times, I still had a pretty great life.

Now all of this was earlier this week. As I wake up in my three bedroom house I just finished packing up and putting in storage, to stare at the blank walls and empty rooms; I listen to my footsteps echo through the hallways, seeming to reverberate of the surrounding mountains or Radium BC.

I sit in front of my fireplace, plucking at my guitar. The guitar I am trying very lamely to teach myself to play. Here I sit and Steve Jobs marched right through my mind. He did not saunter, but he marched. What was reverberating off the walls of my skull was his inaugural speech to The Graduating Class at Stanford in 2007.

There I sat in front of my fireplace playing or trying to play, Imagine, on the guitar. As I was strumming away I began to think about all of the hippies that have created this masterpiece we today call a global community, and how much I looked up to all of them growing up, and still do today.

So I sat down and listened to his speech, actually I stood and listened to it. Do you know that he was adopted?

For a moment as I was listening, I remembered that if I do not ever get the joy of carrying a baby to term, I might get the joy of adopting or fostering a boy just like Steve Jobs. He might not be a genius and he might not end up being a millionaire, but he might, if I was lucky and him even luckier... never give up. That is an attribute that not all of us have. To never give up, to believe in ourselves just enough to keep on going. I do not think I am anything like that great man, but I do know that I try.

One of his lines from this speech that always makes me pause in awe is, "Do what you love...never settle." I pause, as I painfully understand. Sometimes never settling means you walk alone, a very, very, very long way. I have been scoffed at by many for this, and respected by a few.

You know what?

I believe in what Steve talks about in this video. Love, love for life, love for the person you choose to sleep next to. Not the kind of love that pays the bills, but the kind of love that allows you to feel worthy, the kind of love I would die for. That love that allows you to continue to grow, and contribute, that partner that thinks you are the most amazing person he has ever met, and lets you be the best you, you can be. Willing to knock anyone down that blocks you from being yourself.

I guess that is what I am writing about this morning. Love. Love for life, love for the dream, and love for the desire to give it all one more shot. And trust that ...the dots will connect down the road...

I am going for a misty paddle on the lake and then coming home to clean and pack up the odds and ends of my house that is in complete shambles, with the hopes I get to put it all back together again.

Here is to the dream. To Steve Jobs and misty mountain mornings.

Here is the link to Steves speech. I hope you at the end of this have those same feelings I do right now.

An added by line later... I am fine for now, still childless, still without that one love, and still trying to be the best me I can be, and hope we are all doing the same. Here is to staying hungry, and staying foolish. Thanks Steve, my world would be less if you had never graced this planet with your presence.