And Back To Our Story, Finally.

Tonight as I am again in a new city, working a new job, with people that I am striving to find common ground with, I am, or was feeling a bit lonely.

I would not necessarily say that I am struggling but searching for authenticity and autonomy, in the chaos of the dream. The loneliness is ripping at parts of my soul I am best to leave unmentioned, my desire for solitude, so extreme, and my desire for community an even larger pull, that I know I will only find them within each other. This being said, yes I know it is time to settle down. And yes this is my plan. 6000 miles from home, currently residing in Bathurst, New Brunswick.

Here I am, being winked at by strange men as they sit and drink coffee with their wives, thinking that it is funny. Him thinking it is funny,definitely not I. Me feeling the disrespect for his wife, bringing color to my cheeks and words to my lips, that must not be spoken, not here. Emptying trash cans, sweeping and mopping floors, and cleaning toilets. The job is not so bad. It is one that when I am with self, I find a pleasant peace in the routine, the tasks.

This job is one that I know can elevate me to my true self, take me back to the times, the times of beginnings. Hard work and calloused hands are where I come from, and what I believe in and have always always fought for, whether those hands liked and respected me or not.

I know what my story is built upon.

To work shoulder to shoulder with people that have families and community and know only this, hard work, has always been an honor for me. But these people do not know me, they do not know my truth and could know my story, but they do not know me. I am a long way from home. Trying not to feel sorry for self, as they disrespect ever woman in the room, I plod on.

And then it happened. I am looking through the donut case. I am bent over, looking past the baked good, through the display case, into a set of coke bottle glasses, perched on the nose of at a little boy. A little boy thats' head reached just over my knee, he was maybe 4 or 5. I am pointing at a baked good saying "This one?", and he is nodding his head, his eyes a fire. All of a sudden I am taken back in time. To a time before I even was. It was only for a split second, but that second seemed like three minutes. The floors were wood, there were huge windows, the sun was casting shadows across the floor. It felt like I was lost some where in the mid 1800's. I could smell the manure and mud from the lane outside, the linseed oil coating the grocery shelves in the center of the store, and there was a little boy staring at me through the glass, nodding his head. His enthusiasm for that donut, reminding me why. Why we do this. Why we fight for ourselves and those we love.

In my higher self I know that lots of us have bad days all the time. It is why I try to hold the real true light. Tonight my light was dimming. I know this is about perspective. I can forget this important part of life. Perspective.

It is unfortunate that others don't want to see the full side of the glass but I do want, and can. I see the little boy with his coke bottle glasses through the ages looking into the the glass display case, picking his donut, and wanting something more. That is what jolted me. This little boy, although in the moment is unaware, wants more. More life, more time.

We all want more, and I was wanting more, until I bent down and looked into that little mans face. I needed to find the joy in what we have, and I found it. Here is to the joy. To the real, to the kind, and to the innocent. May they all be safe tonight.

Moments with little boys, and little girl,s staring through the glass remind me that I am not alone in the story.

None of us are.

We travel through time and space, not alone; but with our families, and our friends, and yes even those that have gone before us. The web spreads so far and wide that it is unfathomable. When I am lucky I have moments that the veil is lifted and I am gently reminded that this is all worth it. That little boy is so a part of my story. There was a little boy 170 years ago that was and is still apart of my story, and your story as well, or our story as I would like to say. That is what I will say, our story.

In my version of our story, I narrate from my perspective. I am the central figure, and that is the way it should be. In your perspective I hope with every thing I have that you are the central figure in your story. We all need to first in our own lives, be important to ourselves.

I believe myself to be worthy of my story, and I hope you know that you are worthy of yours. As our stories meld and blend it becomes one, our story. We must allow this melding, still keeping each strand autonomous. I bring this back to the weaving of the threads of our individual stories to make the web, because today our story is more important than ever.

There are too many individuals in the world fighting with each other. They are fighting because they have forgotten that no matter where we come from, what we have become, or what we believe our story to be, we all have things in common.

I would like to leave you with one of my daily meditations, that I found on my computer tonight when I came home from work that reminded me that I know how to see the good. I do not need donuts to see the good, but I do need to see that little boy, that little girl, that has so many tomorrows ahead of them. For them we dream, for them we remember that this is our story.

Perception

BY MADISYN TAYLOR

A simple shift in attitude can help us recognize the hidden potential for fulfillment in every event.There is no secret recipe for happiness and contentment. The individuals who move through life joyously have not necessarily been blessed with lives of abundance, love, success, and prosperity. Such people have, however, been blessed with the ability to take the circumstances they've been handed and make them into something great. Our individual realities are colored by perception--delight and despair come from within rather than without. Situations we regard as fortuitous please us while situations we judge inauspicious cause us no end of grief. Yet if we can look at all we have accomplished without dwelling on our perceived misfortune and make each new circumstance our own, the world as a whole becomes a brighter place. A simple shift in attitude can help us recognize and unearth the hidden potential for personal and outer world fulfillment in every event, every relationship, every duty, and every setback.

The universe is often an unpredictable and chaotic place, and the human tendency is to focus on the negative and assume the positive will care for itself. But life can be no more or no less than what you make of it. If you are working in a job you dislike, you can concentrate on the positive aspects of the position and approach your work with gusto. What can you do with this job that can turn it around so you do love it. When faced with the prospect of undertaking a task you fear, you can view it as an opportunity to discover what you are truly capable of doing. Similarly, unexpected events, when viewed as surprises, can add flavor to your existence. By choosing to love life no matter what crosses your path, you can create an atmosphere of jubilance that is wonderfully infectious. A change in perspective is all it takes to change your world, but you must be willing to adopt an optimistic, hopeful mind-set.

To make a conscious decision to be happy is not enough. You must learn to observe life's complexities through the eyes of a child seeing everything for the first time. You must furthermore divest yourself of preconceived notions of what is good and what is bad so that you can appreciate the rich insights concealed in each stage of your life's journey. And you must strive to discover the dual joys of wanting what you have. As you gradually shift your perspective, your existence will be imbued with happiness and contentment that will remain with you forever.

And I was lucky enough to have this kick in the ass waiting for me at home to remind me, about the child within all of us that makes life, and the struggle for the dream worth it.

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